The Devil’s Alluring Game- AHS MATRIX ARCHIVE 1982

by Stanley Stanton, a commentary of Samuel Tuckum’s article

**This article is just for April Fools' Day. Everything published under April Fools is satire**

Of late, many strange happenings have been reported on the grounds of The Plains, Athens High School, many of which our investigative journalist Samuel Tuckums, class of 1983, has linked back to the disturbing rise in students participating in an after school program that features a game that has been described by our reporter as “utterly demonic” and “satan worship.”

This game is none other than the now infamous Dungeons & Dragons. We sent Tuckums to the front lines to obtain an exclusive interview with the creator of the club, who simply referred to himself as Dungeon Master, according to Tuckums. This interview was conducted on April 4, 1982 and the transcript was only tweaked slightly by Tuckums after the conclusion of the interview.

Tuckums: Thank you for sitting down with me for this interview Mr. Dungeon Master, if it’s not too much trouble I have a list of questions I'd Like to run through.

DM: Uh, you can just refer to me as Alex and yeah that would be fine.

Tuckums: Ok Mr. Dungeon Master, so the first question I have is, for what reason do you worship Satan?

DM: Well, I’m not quite sure what you mean by that, I go to church every Sunday.

Tuckums: Well is it true that you started this… cult?

DM: This is a board game club man, who told you to come here?

Tuckums: Well answer me this Dungeon Master if you don’t worship satan, then why do you take part in this devilish game?

DM: Well why don’t you just sit in on our game today and see for yourself?

According to a student report, Tuckums immediately went to the restroom to douse himself in holy water he had “collected” from his church, after which he called upon the heavens to protect him from any curses that may be laid on him while watching the game.

This is an excerpt of Tuckum’s writing that he drafted after watching the game.

They sat in a circle around a table in the library, the table looked similar to the others in the room, but you could feel the weight of dark magic in that table. It also had a much larger amount of gum stuck to the bottom of it, no doubt a cause of the unholy magic that is performed upon it every other Tuesday (and sometimes Fridays if schedules align). The first thing I noticed as they began the ritual was the dice. These were not every day, six-sided dice but warped and multifaceted, their edges sharp and angular. Where someone would obtain dice this warped and unnatural one can only imagine. The imaginary game that they played revolved around a small village and a wolf who was preying on goats. The party members were tasked by their “Master” as he refers to himself, to slay this wolf and save the farmers' precious goats. While this story seems perfectly normal on the surface, I had the awareness to look deeper, and the results are disturbing. When you think about this scenario harder, you begin to realize that the devil is subconsciously creating this story through the Dungeon Master. The goats, think about it, goats! They are saving goats! One of the many forms the devil is known to take is a goat! Yet they are tasked with slaughtering the wolf who is trying to purify the village from these evils. It makes even more sense when you take into account that the Dungeon Master said a plague was going around the village, no doubt a cause of these unholy goats. The wolf was likely a disguised angel trying to save the town, but no, the devil couldn’t allow that, so he sent his minions to do his bidding. That's what these players are, minions of satan.

Thereafter Tuckums was offered dinner at Alex’s house which kicked off a friendship between the two, and Alex finally convinced Tuckums to try playing a game with them. He opted to play a lawful good holy knight, which worked to rid the incarnations of evil that sprouted from the game masters' bewitched mind.