**Retelling the history of April Fools' Day

by Emma Hartman

**This article is just for April Fools' Day. Everything published under April Fools' is satire**

While many sources say April Fool’s Day began in 16th century France, ancient Rome, or even Egypt, there is only one true story, and it begins in the middle of the ocean in 1090.

Gorm Yngvildr, also known as god-slayer, was sailing through the northern Atlantic with his powerful and mighty Viking crew. The men watched the horizon, hoping to see land. One man squinted his eyes and saw a shimmering gold wall in front of them.

The men tried to change the course of the ship, but the wall kept approaching until, in a moment of pure light, the ship passed through the wall.

The men looked up and saw a tall woman dressed in golden armor, radiating golden light out of the cracks in her armor. The men knew instantly that this was Urdr, the Nordic goddess of the future.

She told the men, “You do not know it now, but in the future, people will make great shows about you.” The men’s eyes widened, and their heads filled with images of themselves conquering the seas and exploring new lands. “Stories of dragons, boys named hiccup, and the ancient art of training dragons,” said the goddess.

Gorm had always known he was destined for greatness, and this just confirmed his beliefs. The goddess raised her hands, and images of great beasts with leather wings, fire breathing mouths, and talons dripping with poison flashed through the minds of the men. Gorm opened his eyes from the visions and made eye contact with the goddess.

“Lies,” Gorm said, squinting his eyes at the glowing goddess, “these are not the men that will conquer dragons. They can hardly weather a storm on the sea, let alone tame a wild beast.”

“You make the mistake of assuming you are any better than these men that you claim to lead,” Urdr said.

Gorm pulled his sword from the sheath at his side and raised the pommel above his head. He hardened his eyes with determination and felt his muscles tense.

Urdr merely stared at the man, laughing internally at the fact that he believed that he could truly slay the goddess of the future. She knew exactly what would happen.

Gorm ran towards the goddess and swung his sword directly through her slender neck. Gold blood sprayed across his face, and the golden light that shone around the men dimmed until the men were standing back on their wooden ship in the middle of the sea. Gorm watched as the men around him fell to the ground, blood running out of their ears. He stood in the middle of the ship, his sword dripping with golden blood at his side.

He rushed to a man, pressing his fingers to his neck. The only thing he felt was the sinking of his stomach when he realized what had happened.

In the clouds, Urdr watched as Gorm checked the necks of all the fallen men. She knew he would find no pulse. She twirled her fingers, and the mighty wooden ship began to move back to the mainland.

Gorm fell to his side and stared at the sky. If he squinted his eyes hard enough, he thought he could see a faint golden shine coming from behind the clouds. He closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

The ship hit the shore with a thud, and Gorm opened his eyes. Standing above him was the leader of his country. Men pulled Gorm from the ground and demanded to know what happened.

“Urdr is not kind to men who raise their swords to her,” Gorm said.

“Take him to the cells,” ordered the man.

“No! I did nothing wrong. I did not kill these men!” Gorm shouted as he was pulled away from his ship and his men, “Urdr killed them! She told them stories of the future before killing them all!”

Gorm continued to yell his innocence until he was thrown into a dark and damp cell, where he would live the rest of his days.

10 Years Later

“Do you remember what happened to that Gorm fellow who killed his crew?” Asked a girl to her friend.

“Crazy man died in prison. He kept screaming about how Urdr killed his crew. He honestly thought he slew a goddess. Can you imagine?” her friend replied.

The girl laughed. “No, I cannot. I will never forget the day that ship hit the shore. Do you remember the date? I think it seems like an important day in our history.”

“I believe it was April 1st.”

“That day shall here forth be known as April Fool’s Day, and it should serve as a reminder that all men are fools.”